I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
