forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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