It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
