She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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