I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
