just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
