If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
