Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
