So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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