Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
