I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
