im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
