it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
