I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
