you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
