Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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