i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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