she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
