my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
