We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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