oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
