he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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