he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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