I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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