well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
