i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Randomize
