how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
