At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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