Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I feel great
I just peed on a car
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
