Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
