Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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