After last night, I could never be a politician.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
