Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
