I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
