that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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