My hand turned me down
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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