My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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