he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
