I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
