I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
