Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
...so i touched it.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
