There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
