I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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