:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
