he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
