you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
