When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
