I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
