Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
