i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
